Introverts turning ‘societal norms on their heads’

For people who find loud places overwhelming and big social gatherings too much, they can soon become isolated and lonely. But a growing number of groups designed specifically for introverts are offering quieter, more mindful ways to connect.

“We want to turn societal norms on their heads,” said James Lim.

“When I first moved to Bristol, I went to events but left feeling exhausted.

“I struggled with the ‘party’ vibe and felt it was the loudest voice in the room who got heard.”

James, who is 40, now heads up the Bristol Social Introverts group which meets each month.

He said he wanted to “create a space for people like me” with groups similar to his growing in popularity.

One-on-one chats are encouraged, there are often games to break the ice and there is no judgement if people need to nip out for a walk to clear their head.

The group was started more than five years ago, and in the last couple of years numbers have grown to up to 130 people per meet.

When James took over the reins of the Bristol Social Introverts, he initially struggled to build numbers and was even met with laughter from some pub landlords when he asked if they could host the group.

“It was painful, but I was persistent,” James, a career coach, said. “Eventually, people started to show up and it snowballed.

“Our meetings can start quiet, but after two hours they become louder as people do grow in confidence.

“In the past, being an introvert was something I’d hide. But now, I’ve found a whole army of people just like me.”

Introverts are not necessarily shy or anti-social, they just prefer environments that are not over-stimulating, James said.

They also tend to get their energy from quiet time, while extroverts need to be around other people.

In Taunton, Somerset, Clare Farthing, says her group South Somerset Meetups has been growing steadily to about 30 people per month.

She is working to bring together introverts who struggle to get their voices heard in business settings.

Clare, 54, said: “I always felt like a quieter soul and found noisy events overwhelming.

“When networking, I always felt uncomfortable and I had to put on a louder version of myself and be something I’m not, [just] to be heard.

“I would be exhausted after and needed quiet time to ‘top up my cup’ again.”

To combat this, Clare launched her group in April 2024 as a monthly business community for introverts, who can buy tickets to attend and share ideas.

Clare said: “I do believe groups like this help pave the way to allow the right space for introverts in business.

“Introverts have been misunderstood for being shy or too quiet or perhaps unsociable. But we can actually be ambiverts when we’re in comfortable surroundings or with like-minded introverts.”

Meanwhile Wobbly Socials, based in Bristol, is also helping to reduce isolation through low pressure social events.

Ella Chandos, who set it up, said as a society it feels like we have sacrificed a lot of community for convenience.

The 26-year-old said: “It can be easy to go days without speaking to anyone. But no matter how easy it is to default to digital, we do need that physical in person connection.

“I wanted to create a space for anyone who might be feeling a bit lonely, anxious or introverted.”

Walking groups, board game nights and craft sessions all form part of Wobbly Social events, which are open to people up to the age of 65 but increasingly popular with the younger generation.

Ella, who works in client support, adds: “In the feedback we get, we are often told that while there are a lot of social meetups out there, they often can include alcohol or sport, which can feel quite overwhelming.

“Other people tell us they lost some social skills during the pandemic, especially those who were teenagers during lockdown.”

Inge Aben, a post graduate student at the University of Bath, hopes groups such as the Bristol Social Introverts, Wobbly Socials and South Somerset Meetups, can lead to a “rebrand” of society’s perception of what it means to be an introvert.

Earlier this year she published research looking at introversion.

She said: “It’s important to find people who understand and advocate for what I call ‘moments of introverting’.

“We shouldn’t force people to talk. If you feel the need to take a break or be silent, embrace that. I think it’s really important to listen to your own feelings and these groups encourage people to do this, which is really important.”

Ms Aben said it is impossible to put a figure on the number of introverts in the country, as we all have the potential to have our “moments of introversion”.

In an increasingly digital age, she encourages people to embrace these feelings.

“Through my research, I noticed some negative assumptions about introverts in the workplace, such as this idea that they lack ambition, can’t become managers or that they don’t speak out,” she said.

“But by embracing our moments of introverting, we can develop caring relations, make wise decisions and become good listeners.

“People who see themselves as introverts should cherish the moments of quiet and not see this as a negative thing. I think these groups are a really good step towards that.”