A major lesson of the fast-friends procedure may simply be that we can often afford to be a bit braver than we might assume. A recent study by Nicholas Epley at the University of Chicago and colleagues, for instance, found that people are generally reluctant to engage in self-disclosure since they assume the other person will not be interested in what they have to say. Those fears were mostly unfounded.
Making conversation
In her online classes, Sprecher often encourages her students to apply it with someone who is already in their life – “their mother, their roommate, their current boyfriend” – and then asks them to report back about how it went. “And that anecdotal evidence, too, indicates that people just enjoy doing it,” she says. To some, it may indeed bring more luck in love. “I know a friend whose daughter did this on their first date. Now they’re married,” says Sprecher.
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In everyday interactions, we might not want to rigidly stick to the specific questions – but instead, apply the principle of self-disclosure more generally, the researchers suggest.
“Keep in mind that it’s not only about the parent asking questions, but also allowing your child to ask the questions, and you giving honest answers,” Brummelman says. “Adopt a position of equality and trust, and don’t be afraid to touch on things that might elicit negative emotions.”