My personal style signifier is my short, boyish haircut. It suits my personality, plus it’s super-easy to manage. I just use a bit of suncream to tame it. The way I move, which is quite androgynous, also seems to stand out to people. I don’t live in a big town and people often mistake me for a boy. When they realise I’m a woman – and a mother – it’s confusing for them. They can’t place me.
I always wanted to work in a circus. I got into acrobatics by coincidence. My mother, who was a dancer, was touring with a theatre group and one of her colleagues happened to be a circus clown; she recruited me when I was six. We were trained by a former acrobat from the main circus in Moscow. It was hard, Russian-style training, going beyond our limits sometimes. At 13 or 14, I realised I didn’t want to become a professional acrobat and began skateboarding. Then I thought I’d become a stuntwoman, but after a knee injury I needed time to recover, so I went to study. I thought I’d do design at Rietveld Academy in Amsterdam, but when they saw my portfolio they were impressed by my photographs and encouraged me to pursue that. It wasn’t that I picked photography; photography picked me. There’s a lot in life you can’t control; you need to keep an open mind.
Training as an acrobat taught me endurance. If you want to reach a goal, you need to do something 10,000 times – then you’ll be good at it. I believe in routine.
The last thing I bought and loved was a black vintage kayak from eBay. It’s huge – around 4m long. I got it for next to nothing. I need to do some light repairs before I get it into a river. On the listing, it was shown standing up – it looked like a sculpture or beautiful art object. I think it could end up in a gallery some day.
The best souvenir I’ve brought home is a red vase from a little village in the Swiss Alps. It reminded me of something my grandmother once had. It was a two-hour hike to get back to where we were staying, and I carried it under my arm the whole way. Otherwise, I enjoy leaving a place with photographs. I took an image at a random gas station on a recent trip to Spain. I looked around and just had this feeling of being in a movie. I started performing in front of the camera – my work captures life’s absurdity through strange acro-movements, which I capture via digital display. It was quite funny because my dog started performing too. One of the images ended up on the poster of Strasbourg’s Pôle-Sud dance festival.
My style icon is Lady Di. A classic. She’s one of the few people I can think of where every phase of dressing was great. I especially love her sporty looks – always the best colour combinations.
The worst gift I’ve ever given was a beach holiday for my husband and me in the Netherlands. We both love sports, and on the first day we arrived I gave him a body check while we were playing basketball and broke his foot. It didn’t break badly but enough that the holiday was ruined. The rest of the week he could only sit on the veranda and look out into nature.
The best book I’ve read in the past year is A Whole Life by Austrian novelist Robert Seethaler. It’s a simple story about a man who chooses to live a life of solitude in the Swiss Alps. I found it very touching because you can see how short life is in the end. It’s just the blink of an eye. That reality is what connects us.
The best gifts I’ve received were tickets to a Nick Cave concert in a small castle in Germany. It was summer and very intimate. We were surrounded by beautiful air. It was also not long after that unfortunate holiday. My partner still couldn’t walk properly.
I recently discovered running. I started at the beginning of the year, but at that point it was more of a gallop. Now I run at least five days a week. I forgot how amazing it is for the body, and what happens when you start to get into a rhythm and sweat. As an acrobat, I’ve always been more focused on stretching or things in a yoga direction. But there’s something about speed. Kids run all the time when they’re excited. I forgot about that feeling.
I have a collection of high heels, which I mainly use to shoot with. I bought my first pair around 2009 while I was studying in Amsterdam and probably have 30 to 40 now – some are completely destroyed. I’ll run, jump and go into water with them. Then I like to paint them or give them a new form.
The best way to make me laugh is with any kind of silly, improvisational dancing – something that really connects me to other people. It’s this ping-pong effect where you can laugh with and at each other.
In my fridge you’ll always find lots of raw vegetables. And ice cubes, which are super-refreshing to put on your face when you’re tired. It’s very simple and healthy in there. When we were children, my brother and I always fought over the salad. Other kids were fighting over chocolate; we were fighting over the last few salad leaves. My kids are not the same. My daughter will only have one or two bites of lettuce, and my son is a carnivore. Every time we walk past a butcher, he gets this look in his eye.
A place that means a lot to me are the woods near my house in Wuppertal. Every morning after I drop my kids off at school, I’ll go for an hour-long run or hike, taking a different path each time. Sometimes I go off-road, navigating through the oak and beech trees. It’s a perfect location to contemplate and think about the day. I really enjoy being alone among the greenery.
When I need to feel inspired, I move. I’m not coming up with anything if I’m sitting around. It can be physical movement, but it can also be driving in a car or travelling by train. As soon as there’s movement, the thoughts start to flow.
An indulgence I’d never forgo is coffee. I’m addicted to cappuccinos with whole milk. In the evening when I go to bed, I’m already dreaming of that first sip.
The last items of clothing I added to my wardrobe were some brown Brazilian slippers and a few pairs of old-lady trousers from a second-hand store in Wuppertal, where I live. It’s one of those drives run by the church, where a lot of items end up after people have passed away; no one ever really goes in there. One is blue with white stripes, another is white with blue stripes and I found a third pair in beige. They feel like loved pieces that a person really cared about. I like the idea that I can take an item over with that same kind of respect for it.
I believe in stress. I can be very happy after a good fight with my partner. I’m a really stormy person, so if I’m angry, I’m really angry. Fighting can soften you.
My hotel pet peeve is when they try to make the room feel too nice or personal. I prefer it when it is clearly just for service and sleep. Otherwise it can feel fake. I also hate that you can’t ever open the windows fully. I need fresh air.
The best way to spend €20 is on a simple bottle of wine, olives, cheese – nothing too strong – and bread. Go for a long walk and enjoy it when you’re super-exhausted. It becomes extra-delicious.
The one artist whose work I would collect if I could is the German visual artist Rebecca Horn. I love her videos, but it would be amazing to have an image of her in costume, transforming into some hybrid, mythical creature. There’s one from 1970, Unicorn, where she designed a white horn sculpture and bodice to be worn by another female performer, who she captured walking majestically through a field over 12 hours. I love ’70s performance art. I saw a lot of Pina Bausch pieces as a child. I don’t refer to her directly in my own work, but she for sure has an influence on it.
The last music I downloaded was some abstract, transcendental flute sounds by André 3000. He’s from a rap background but has turned totally esoteric. In the past I was never really a music person. I always felt like I didn’t have good enough taste; when you’re young, there’s all this pressure to listen to “cool stuff”. Now I know what I like, what touches me and what music I can really move to.
I’d never part with my analogue Hasselblad 500C camera. I bought it off a photographer for €500 during my studies; even he found it difficult to give it away. I don’t tend to shoot analogue any more so I’ve thought about selling it a few times. But I can’t. It’s such a beautiful object.
There are two kinds of happiness. The first is an extreme, absolute rush of adrenaline. It’s like a drug – it’s not happiness that holds for very long. The second is when you feel good with everything that surrounds you, and that what you’re doing makes sense.
My favourite location to shoot at is the Ruhr in west Germany. It used to be the main coal-mining region, and the waste rock has been transformed into huge stone heaps, which are open to the public to climb. There is a sculpture by Richard Serra atop the Schurenbachhalde summit. Walking around the area feels like you’re on the moon.
In another life, I would have been a shepherd. I’m very happy in my own company and could imagine a much simpler life. A friend of mine has a tiny house in the Italian Alps that’s very rustic. We stayed there for two weeks and it was one of the best holidays I’ve ever had. Being in this hut, making a fire, talking, eating, going for a hike, looking out at the landscape. I realised that you don’t need much to be happy. That is the blind spot of western society. We have completely forgotten about our connection to the planet.
The beauty staples I’m never without are Dado Sens Sun Cream for my hair and red lipstick. I’m not fussed about the brand but it needs to be Ferrari-red. Dado Sens Sun Cream SPF30, £19.42
My favourite room in my house is what we call the “moving room”. There’s not much in there, but it has three big, south-facing windows with an open view of the city. I’ll often lie on the carpet and stretch, read a book or even do some naked sunbathing. It really is the place to hang out.
I believe in life after death, but I’m not religious. I believe in energy and that energy can’t be destroyed. A good metaphor for this is water, which constantly changes condition. It can be fluid and then evaporate into the clouds, or turn hard as ice. I don’t think we have just one form.
I’m really addicted to podcasts. I listen to one every day while I’m hiking or editing images. My current favourite is Tetragrammaton by record producer Rick Rubin, who is always profiling someone interesting. One of my favourite episodes was with Nick Cave. Rubin’s interview style is very direct, very calm, very personal. It’s strange how close you feel to his subjects.
On my Instagram For You page, you’ll find lots of Open Call suggestions for artist residencies. But it’s weird because I’m not looking for them, and they are almost always out of date. And then videos of funny dance moves. I don’t like videos where someone hurts themselves. But the silly, childish videos can stay.
The best bit of advice I ever received was from my mother, who told me very early on that you have to believe in who you are, what you love and just go for it. It doesn’t matter what other people tell you. If you trust your intuition, you will be successful. Everybody is special. I think that is life’s challenge. You need to find out who you are and what your skills are. And your skills might be what other people see as a flaw.