Photo: Leon Bennett/Variety via Getty Images
The Rizzler, a social media superstar, is becoming a staple of any press tour, and at this year’s San Diego Comic-Con, he’s becoming the Godfather of the Nintendo press area, where he’s been teaching celebs a thing or two about Mario Kart. Which leads us to many questions: What tracks are they playing? What characters are available to choose from? And who’s chronically online enough to know the only and best character to choose from is Moo Moo Cow? Unfortunately, it just seems like all we’re getting at the moment are photos of the stars playing Mario Kart World, instead of live footage of who they’re playing as or who’s getting hit by a blooper. Release the clips! In the meantime, let’s speculate on who everyone picked as their racer against the Godfather himself.
As someone who self-identifies as an Annie, I can confidently guess that Brie chose Pauline as her racer (she would also make a great Pauline for a Mario Bros sequel). Pauline is unexpected but still cool, and she can sing! Keeping with the spirit of Together, Franco probably mained as Dry Bones since, uh, well, you’re gonna have to see it for yourself.
Two serial killers and two officers walk into Crown City… David Dastmalchian, James Remar, Michael C. Hall, and David Zayas all stopped by on July 25 to play some Kart. Dastmalchian totally gives Peepa or Fish Bone energy for the gothic theme, while Remar is giving Bowser (Harry Morgan is a father after all!) That obviously means Hall has to be Bowser Jr, especially because he was sitting in a cute, tiny chair. As for Zayas, he probably picked Mario, they both wear iconic hats!
Okay, I think technically you can’t pick the same racer if you’re not playing online, but Devan Long, Utkarsh Ambudkar, Asher Grodman, and Danielle Pinnock obviously all fought over who’s playing King Boo.
Okay, hear me out: The baby versions of the Mario crew. Dan Povenmire could play Baby Rosalina, but with a Dr. Doofenshmirtz voice as she throws banana peels at people. It would be cliche to say Vincent Martella and David Errigo Jr. would be Baby Mario and Luigi— but they’d totally be Baby Peach and Daisy.
For a chaotic show that’s been going on for 8 seasons, you gotta pick some niche and goofy troublemakers to go along for the ride: Nabbit, Pokey, Wiggler, or maybe even Goomba would be excellent choices for Harry Belden, Ian Cardoni, and Spencer Grammer.