Photo-Illustration: Marylu Herrera
In this week’s story, a woman and her husband go grocery shopping buck naked and attend sex parties every night: 32, married, France.
DAY ONE
10 a.m. We arrive in Barcelona from Houston. Our hope is to beat the jet lag by going out tonight, but first, we need a nap.
3:30 p.m. Our dog sitter back home calls to tell us that he’s watching our car being towed and they won’t release it to him because he’s not on our insurance. I’m enraged. Back when I was a lawyer, I dreamt of suing cities for predatory parking policies like these. My husband, M, handles the people on the phone. He is still a lawyer, and it shows.
6 p.m. I’ve made a list of every gluten-free restaurant I want to try, and we start with one that’s just steps from our hotel in the hip neighborhood of Gràcia.
10:30 p.m. We decide to walk to the club we have in mind, even though it’s far. It’s so nice to be in a city where you can walk for hours! Our Texas feet are tired, but we are amped when we see the mansion steps.
12 a.m. So this club … we had seen it reviewed on Cinemax, so we knew it was nice, but wow. The hostess trades our phones and bags for bracelets that get us two free drinks. It’s already so different from an American club; there, they can’t serve alcohol. We walk up the stairs and peer into the little rooms with beds. A man with insane abs is fucking a petite woman. We linger, watching his abs flex in missionary, before heading to the disco.
1:30 a.m. We put our feet into the heated pool, trying, unsuccessfully, to make eyes with other couples. But then the hot guy from earlier appears and smiles at me. I smile back. He waves, and I wave back. He approaches us and sits next to my husband.
2 a.m. M explains our approach to sexuality with him. “Instead of ‘when I decide how I feel about kissing men, then I’ll kiss a man, it’s ‘when I kiss a man, then I’ll decide how I feel about kissing men.’” They kiss. I say, “Let’s all find a room.”
3 a.m. We are in a semi-public room with pleather beds. My husband is railing me from behind while I’m sucking our new friend’s cock. I ask them to kiss again, and they make out over my shoulder. I gush and hear a woman cheer, “That’s so hot.”
DAY TWO
10 a.m. We got back to the hotel late last night. After some morning head from M, it’s time for gluten-free bakeries! I devour my first banana bread in years.
2 p.m. Lunch with a friend, a fellow sex educator, who lives here. We get to know each other better while eating cupcakes, then say good-bye.
4 p.m. We’re officially smitten with Barcelona.
7 p.m. We pass a sign that says Tyga is in town. I LOVE Tyga and am already dreaming of wiggling my booty to the music tonight. But M is not down to stay up that late for a “vanilla” event. He says it’s nearly assured we’d miss our 9 a.m. train tomorrow. Sigh.
9 p.m. After eating at a paella place, we find a cute plaza and take pictures before getting gelato. M falls in love with a Cavapoo in line — he says it reminds him of our dog back home. He’s a sucker for a Cavapoo. The dog’s owner happens to be American. She’s standing very close. I wonder if she can tell we’re swingers. I can see having a threesome with her, but I’m pretty much against having sex with vanillas … they don’t know the rules.
DAY THREE
8 a.m. More hot sex at the hotel, revisiting visions of Saturday night. I can’t get enough of my husband, and I can’t believe we haven’t even arrived at our destination yet!
8:40 a.m. We’re running late for the train. Our taxi weaves through traffic. We sprint through the train station. Whoa, did we underestimate security. We make it, but barely, and I’m cranky about it.
12 p.m. On the train, I eat two bags of homemade beef jerky, one bag of protein chips, an apple from the hotel breakfast — and I’m still cranky. But the countryside is beautiful, and my Isaac Asimov book is good. I ease up as we pull into the station and catch a cab.
2 p.m. We arrive at the gates of Cap d’Agde, also known as “naked city,” a nudist resort town on the Mediterranean coast. It’s a little odd, the bureaucracy involved. I wonder what these people are recording from our passports and what could possibly warrant so much typing.
3 p.m. We disrobe as soon as we’re through the gates, as we lug our suitcases to our hotel.
6 p.m. Even though it was cool to get gelato and go to the grocery store naked, I’m not sure I like it here. I wish the French were friendlier. I’m worried it won’t live up to the hype.
9 p.m. From our hotel room, I journal about missing Barcelona. M tells me to relax — we just got here.
DAY THREE
10 a.m. Breakfast at the hotel is tasty. We watch the hotel turn over from “anybodies” to all young “somebodies.” It’s “Young Libertines” week here, which means every couple in the hotel must be 40 or under.
1 p.m. Naked in the grocery store again, and I’m in awe of us. Just a year ago, we were on our first swinger cruise, which was really our first swinger anything. We had had some experiences with other couples, but the cruise is what cemented for us that swingers are our people. And now here we are, in swinger mecca! Actually, our friends from the cruise are coming here this week too. I send them a text saying we’d love to meet up and play.
4 p.m. I use our kitchenette to make some chicken and sweet potatoes. After a month of 99 percent lean turkey and two-a-days at the gym — preparing for this week — it’s nice to eat and not count calories.
7 p.m. M begs me to hurry up and get ready because the welcome party is starting soon.
8 p.m. No one is really at the welcome party yet. We bail and head to the beach. We pass a hot couple doing a photo shoot on a log, and then, in the final section of the beach, a bunch of men touching themselves while encircling what I think is a woman blowing her husband.
11:30 p.m. I’m dancing on the bar, holding chains that dangle from the ceiling to keep my balance. I’m touching a fit, sweaty woman along her sides. We kiss, but I’m overstimulated and M helps me get down. We’re ready to go back to our room and sleep.
DAY FOUR
10 a.m. We start the morning by taking some photos, totally naked, around town. Our friends from the cruise have arrived but are too tired to meet up today.
11 a.m. We spend some time debating how we’ll describe this trip to M’s parents, who know France too well for us to be vague. We know the issue will come to a head soon.
12 p.m. We get “dressed”— me, a body chain around my waist; him, a necklace — for the pool party.
1 p.m. There is sex happening everywhere we look — hundreds of people — in the pool, on the beds along the pool, on the sides of the pool. It’s hard to walk anywhere, so we post up on the edge of one of the beds. I slide up and down on M’s cock and people start to approach. Across from us, I notice a blond guy and his Megan Fox–looking girlfriend. We share an electric moment, and then they’re gone.
2 p.m. Couple after couple greets us, but I’m looking for the one from earlier.
3 p.m. Finally, the Megan Fox couple is a few feet away from us. She’s deep-throating him on the edge of the pool. Each time she comes up for air, I see the spit drip off her mouth, and she looks at us. He’s looking over, too. Eventually, she walks over to us. She extends a hand, and when I take it, she leans in and kisses me. I swoon. But the action stops there, and we part ways.
6 p.m. I hop in the shower, my millionth shower of the trip. No one tells you how much swingers shower, but it’s a lot. Showering, brushing teeth, Listerine usage at all-time highs.
10 p.m. After a nap, we head to the garden party, but it’s a little lackluster. Still, everyone is friendly. We meet people from Poland, Sweden, Switzerland, and Israel, and I love feeling so international. I kiss most of the women, then M and I leave to check out the “it” sex club in the village. We have some more fun there and then go home, have sex, and sleep.
DAY FIVE
10 a.m. I’m reading more of my Isaac Asimov novel while enjoying the passion fruit M got for me from the breakfast buffet. We talk about how much more dignified the clubs in Europe are.
12 p.m. We share a cup of coffee and chocolate bar on the balcony. I’m flying through my new journal and doing a lot of fiction writing too.
2 p.m. I got sunburned yesterday at the pool party, so I’m a bit more covered up today at the pool. My left arm, which is covered in a henna sleeve of Ganesha and flowers, is looking pretty bad. M tells me a story of a child whose henna became a permanent tattoo after getting sunburned. I ask why he’d put those frightening thoughts in my head.
4 p.m. Coffee, salad, and afternoon fuck.
7 p.m. M takes some photos of me in the bed. We feel good about our prospects for tonight and discuss who is an automatic yes, who is a maybe, and who is a no … just to ease decision-making in the moment.
11 p.m. We planned to meet the Megan Fox couple at the bar. This bar is cool because it has an indoor area to dance and an outdoor area to chat. While we wait, we chat with another option, but the vibe is off.
11:30 p.m. “They’re real,” our new blonde friend says as I kiss her full breasts. She and her boyfriend invite us back to their room.
12:30 a.m. She’s straddling M as we discuss rules and boundaries. “We’re typically soft swap,” I say. She’s aghast. “I’m not going to get penetrated?” I shrug. The truth is, I’m open-minded. I know I’d like to see M fuck her, even if we haven’t done that yet. But this is precisely why we have no hard rules; we like to be open to whatever arises in the moment.
1 a.m. Before that happens, she holds a dildo to my face and I wrap my lips around it. “I can take it.” She penetrates me with a strap-on, and I come. A few moments later, I watch M put on a condom while her husband whispers in my ear, “Show me how you touch yourself.” I get to watch M fuck for the first time, and the way she looks at him during it … I’m dripping. Eventually, we all clean ourselves up and say good night.
DAY SIX
10 a.m. M is journaling, and I love it. I want to encourage him to do more writing, but I know not to push.
12 p.m. Another pool party. M briefly participates in a spit roast (one woman sucking one man while fucking another), and I watch the woman bat her eyelashes at him while sucking his cock. It makes me a little uncomfortable. This is the first time I’m not somehow involved in play he’s involved in, but I want him to feel safe to act on his desires, so I don’t say anything. I’ll journal about it later and come to him if I still have an issue when I’ve explored what I’m feeling more.
1 p.m. We’ve connected with another couple, and now we’re in their room. Her body is insane — like, professional-model insane. I kiss it all over. She has a clit piercing, and although it’s intimidating, I love how it feels as I roll it in my mouth. The boys join and eat us out while we lay and kiss side by side. We’re both giggling and glowing and spent by the end. They give us some ginger beer to recover. We walk down the hallway and thank our personal trainer for making this day possible.
5 p.m. We’re strategizing. Our friends from the cruise want to see us tonight, but as much as we like them, time is ticking on the Megan Fox couple. We decide they are our No. 1 target and agree to stay focused.
8:30 p.m. We run into our cruise friends on our way to the club. It’s a little awkward, turning down our friends and past play partners for the chance to play with new ones. But we can’t give them the attention they seek: The Megan Fox couple has too many options to be treated like they aren’t No. 1. Plus, rejection is part of the lifestyle; we hope our friends understand.
10 p.m. There’s a pole at the club. I have to get on it. I slide into the splits on the way down, peacocking for the Megan Fox couple. It’s working. I ask if I can kiss the husband, and when he says yes, I kiss him so passionately he’s nearly knocked back. We all chat and laugh and skip happily back to our room.
11:30 p.m. We’ve never experienced passion like this with another couple. We all want to do everything. He has me pinned against the window, then we’re all on the bed. He fucks her from behind while she eats me out. He helps me step into my strap-on, and I grab her waist and come while watching her ass bounce into me. He tells me how much he loves my abs, and I melt into him. I hear Megan Fox yelling, “Har-der! Har-der!” in her accent, and I watch M give her some good ass slaps while taking her from behind. When we’re finished, we lie in bed and reflect on how swinging brings us closer. She shares her insecurities, and I’m humbled to find out such a beautiful woman has any.
DAY SEVEN
10 a.m. I’m officially over the hotel breakfast. Who washes the dishes? Like half of them are dirty. Today is the foam party, the most anticipated party of the week; watching a video from the last foam party is what convinced us to book the trip.
12:30 p.m. Within two minutes of entry, M’s favorite flip-flops broke. He’s cranky. We’re trying to wade through the foam and all the people, but it’s packed and people are smoking cigarettes and one of them nicks me. It’s hard to find a place to stand, and half of the area is walled off for VIP. We are gone within 15 minutes.
1 p.m. Foam party aside, I love it here. If I’m being honest, at first, I experienced some level of disgust around all the nudity, all the different soft cocks, cock rings, tatted and pierced pussies. But now I’m embracing all of it. It’s romantic, all the people who came here with their person. I’m going to miss all the men with shirts but no underwear, women casually stroking their men, walking past people eating at restaurants in the nude, and going wherever I please without clothes.
3 p.m. We say goodbye to the Megan Fox couple as they head out with their luggage.
10 p.m. Our group has taken over a bar for the last night. Not a vanilla bar, of course — none of these bars are vanilla. But this one doesn’t have playrooms on-site, which is inconvenient. A new girl grabs my attention. “Do you like girls?” I ask. “Yes,” she says with a smile. “Do you like me?” “Yes,” she says with a smile. We kiss. The rest of the night is filled with moments like that.
12 a.m. This was our last night here. I’m proud of us. I log in to the SpicyMatch app, which is how we all communicate. I tell M, “They’re doing a discount if we book now for next year.” He immediately says, “Done.”
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