Mother speaks out about ‘shame’ of husband’s alcohol addiction

A mother has urged others affected by addiction in their families not to “suffer in silence”.

Jo – not her real name – sought help from Wiltshire-based charity Families Out Loud when her husband’s alcoholism pushed her to the brink of a nervous breakdown.

She said she felt blamed for his addiction and that at one point he needed intensive care, but that the charity gave her counselling and practical support.

Jo said: “There’s always hope. Even when someone is in the worst possible place.”

The mother said she had been trying to hold down her own job and support two teenagers on one income before seeking help.

Speaking to the BBC, Jo said: “I remember feeling very alone and very lost because of the stigma associated with it – the worries over what other people may think of you, like ‘why didn’t you do enough, why didn’t you help enough?’”

She continued: “I was the one trying to keep everything going, I was out of energy, emotion – the hope had gone.

“I recognised that wasn’t me. I decided to try and get some help before I crawled under the duvet for ever.”

Encouraging others to get help, Jo said: “Admitting all of these things and laying it all out feels very raw and it’s quite a lot to go through but it’s so healing.

“That’s the message we are trying to get out. Please don’t suffer in silence.”

Jo was supported by Families Out Loud councillor Tanya Hughes, who herself has experienced the shame associated with addiction.

“My mother was a life-long alcoholic,” Ms Hughes said.

“It was awful being a teenager, there was a lot of stigma involved. We lived in a village, everyone knew she drank.”

Ms Hughes added: “My friends certainly thought it was a massive joke they had seen my mum staggering down the road.

“I found that intensely embarrassing and I had nobody to talk to about it.”

Ms Hughes, who has since helped the charity set up support for teenagers, said that its councillors had “heard everything” from service users.

“You get people who say ‘I don’t love my child any more’ and that’s absolutely fine,” she said.

“When you’ve got an addict, you’ve got the person who is the person, then you’ve got the addict.

“And when a person is in full addiction, most of the time you might not like that person.

“That happens all the time. It’s a fact of life and there’s no shame in that.”