I am the bearer of good news. It’s time for me to stop talking about boots and scarves. You’ve definitely heard enough from me about the inherent beauty of a solid heel and the overwhelming power of soft gloves. I’ve bored you rigid about the importance of an oversized bag and why small cat-eye sunglasses are rarely a good idea. But the reason I actually have to stop writing about accessories is because I’ve found the perfect one. It’s taken the top prize and nothing can beat it. There’s no point in looking any more. Nobody needs to send me another email about a hoop earring or a purple suede loafer (you’re right — they didn’t make it). The race is over, the search is done.
I didn’t even realise people were competing for first place and wasn’t aware there would be an outright winner. But there is. Life is surprising and here we are at the finish line. I don’t need to lie in bed wondering what would be the perfect anything any more because it has presented itself. It entered my life quietly. There was no pomp, there wasn’t a screaming “Wait till you see this”, and there wasn’t a tickertape parade. Instead, I received a simple “We think you might like this”. So chic, so subtle, so damn cool.
If you’re in a kitchen, please bang the table with a wooden spoon. If you’re reading this in bed then please ding your half-drunk cup of coffee with whatever is to hand (a pen, an eyeliner?). If you’re reading this outdoors — maybe at a pub table and you’re up for it — then I’d be delighted if you’d stand up and make a trumpeting sound (with hand gestures if you so wish). What I’m looking for here is a homemade drumroll. Thank you in advance.
You see, when it comes to bracelets, there have to be rules. For a start, they have to be gold (unless you’re under 16 or on a gap year). They absolutely have to be heavy (none of those invisible chains for me — they get tangled up and, quite frankly, life is too short). And ideally they have to be personalised. Why the last? We can all go and grab a gold bracelet but then is it special? Isn’t it just another, well, thing (and probably the same thing that everyone else has)? Whereas, if it’s going to be just yours, then it might say something that’s very you — ideally, something that is not “love” (hurl) or “mama” (double hurl). And the font has to be perfect: strong, meaty, Times New Roman if at all possible. None of that swirly Comic Sans nonsense.
Pragnell, the charming jeweller on Mount Street in Mayfair, has just started to make bespoke bracelets and, having seen them, all the others can take a hike. They can bow out; they can nod solemnly and leave the arena. This puppy is solid gold and it’s simply perfect. No fiddly catch, no whimsy, no “trying to be different” hidden clasp. It’s straightforward and strong and knows exactly what it’s doing. It’s confident but unassuming. If this bangle were a boyfriend, it would be the one you should marry. Best of all, they’ll size it so it isn’t too tight (unacceptable) or flinging around and banging into your watch (even worse). They’ll write anything you want on it and you can choose the thickness of the letters.
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Mine says FAITHFUL because of something I do in Scotland (if you don’t watch, it’s too long a story) and because I am faithful to accessories: to the shoe that can change your night, to the scarf that can make a walk more palatable and to the three-ply socks that make you look forward to winter.
People talk about love at first sight, they talk about finding “the one”. Well, it’s happened to me and this is it. So, goodbye. Thank you for bearing with me and I wish you a life full of chunky boots and massive hoop earrings.