‘It’s important for these people to feel like they have somewhere to go and that they are supported, because that could be any of us,’ says a CMHA psychotherapist
With the holiday season in swing, the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) North Bay and District is drawing attention to a growing but often hidden reality: family estrangement.
While the holidays are widely portrayed as a time of togetherness, for many people, they can instead amplify feelings of loss, loneliness, and disconnection.
CMHA officials say those emotions are becoming more common as more Canadians distance themselves from family relationships that feel unsafe or unhealthy.
CMHA North Bay and District is shining a light on why estrangement is on the rise, how it affects mental health, and how to support people struggling during the holidays.
Estrangement refers to the intentional distancing or separation from family members or other significant relationships.
While Canadian data is limited, a Cornell University study in the United States found that 27 per cent of adults reported being estranged from at least one family member, according to CMHA officials. Mental health professionals in Canada say they are seeing similar trends.
The issue, they say, often becomes more visible during the holiday season, when social expectations around family are heightened.
“The holiday season can be especially challenging for people experiencing estrangement,” said Mary Davis, CEO of CMHA North Bay and District.
“Many people find the holiday season to be a stark reminder of what’s missing, including loved ones and meaningful relationships.”
CMHA North Bay and District Health Promotion Coordinator Malinda Hirvilammi says estrangement is being talked about more openly, even if it remains misunderstood.
“In terms of the rise in family estrangement, we can’t really quantify the data because there’s not really a lot of statistics right now in Canada,” Hirvilammi told BayToday. “We do know it exists.”
She says the organization is seeing increased conversation around estrangement, often referred to as “no contact,” particularly through social media and broader mental health discussions.
“Wording can have a lot of impact on how people feel safe in terms of talking about things,” she said, adding that estrangement does not always mean completely cutting someone out of one’s life.
“There are varying degrees that people are creating boundaries around protecting their mental health,” she said. “It doesn’t necessarily need to be full no contact.”
Hirvilammi says the holidays can intensify pressure and stigma for people who are estranged.
“It’s a heavily perceived time of family engagement, fond memories—it might not be fond for everybody,” Hirvilammi said.
“The idea that we need to have a perfect holiday, that our family needs to look a specific way, those pressures can be increasingly heavy on someone who’s going through an estranged relationship.”
CMHA psychotherapist Emily Colby says estrangement often develops over time rather than through a single event.
“It can be things like breakdown of the family, people not respecting boundaries,” Colby explained. “What happens over time is people feel like they’re not respected or like they’re not valued in their family system.”
She added that the emotional toll often peaks during the holidays.
“You walk by stores, and they say, ‘Hey, get this gift for your loved ones,’” Colby said. “It creates this grief and this guilt, even the comparison among families that their family doesn’t look like the other families that they regularly see.”
Colby says estrangement can be especially common among people in recovery.
“People will turn to things like substance use to help them get through challenges with their family,” she said.
When people enter recovery, she says, unresolved family issues often resurface.
“So, a lot of times people do have an increase in stepping away or putting boundaries in place,” Colby said.
Both Hirvilammi and Colby stressed the importance of connection, even when family relationships are strained or absent.
“Having a sense of connection, a sense of family, is really important for your overall mental health,” Hirvilammi said. “What that looks like may not necessarily be a blood relative.”
CMHA North Bay and District offers peer support programs that focus on connection and shared lived experience.
“Connecting with people who have that understanding, lived experience, and additional emotional safety is really important,” Hirvilammi said.
They hope the conversation will reduce stigma and remind people they are not alone.
“It’s becoming very prevalent,” Colby said.
“It’s important for these people to feel like they have somewhere to go and that they are supported, because that could be any of us.”
For more information, visit the CMHA North Bay and District website.